Friday, December 31, 2010

A Snarkist's Review of 2010 (Now with Personal Insights & Reflections)

First, the Snark

Congratulations! We all made it through the first decade of the new century--all without too much plague, famine, apocalypse, rapture, Armageddon, destruction of the Gulf of Mexico, or socialist-communist policies that will invoke all previously mentioned catastrophes.

While house values went down, entertainment value went up. Singing has been greatly advanced by auto-tuning so that talentless warblers sound like the voice from the Texas Instruments Speak & Spell*. Movies that weren't worth the effort to make or watch now are in spectacular 3D, and cost more to enjoy! Though I am a little perplexed that the adult entertainment industry hasn't yet been consumed by the gratuitous use of 3D technology.

Now that we've ended the first decade of the 21st century, I wonder how future generations will think of us? I offer a possibility concerning language.

That was the time when English devolved into a hodgepodge of numerals and abbreviations to convey mundane ideas within the limitation of 140 characters or less. Words and phrases became chronically commercialize with ™, ®, and ℠ symbols, almost to the point where communication ceased due to multiple copyright infringements. New suffixes and prefixes littered the language as a means of marketing various goods, such as the lowercase "i" (as in iPhone), "Touch", (as in iTouch), and "my" (as in myTouch and myFord), "HD" or "Hi-Def" (as in Valspar HD paint, or HDTV). The excessive use of these verbal adornments spawned bizarre combinations like
  • iTouch myGenitals℠
  • iThink™, therefore iAm™
  • me, mySelf™ and i™
  • youScream®, myScream®, we all scream for iScream®

These are the happy events I'll remember from 2010

For the first time in my life, I interacted with a celebrity! And it was someone I like and admire. In my brief encounter with Stephen Colbert, I came to fully understand why Marcia Brady went all dreamy and chanted, "I'll never wash my face again!" Though I enjoyed no physical contact with Stephen, I vow to never wash my brain, use eye drops, or clean my ears.

I made lots of good tasting food. I've put on some weight, though I like to think of it as culinary success and/or "putting on wisdom". I've also expanded my culinary talents as well as my pant size. I stopped killing yeast, and I can now make my adipose cells grow, along with lovely yeast cells. I think I need to adopt some kids or adults to spread around all of these calories. Anyone want to be my taste-testers?

By a power beyond my own brain, I designed a doily---one that is highly mathematical to boot. I'd like to think that the design wasn't a fluke. I've got more ideas rattling around in my head; it's simply a matter of discipline and insanity to bring them to fruition.

Pooky and I frolicked through the historical district of Savannah, falling in love with the architecture, numerous town squares, and tasty food. It's the first place I can recall being to in which I didn't need to wear a coat, jacket, or layers of clothing in the evening. We learned that a strapless sundress is unflattering to any figure.

*That computerized voice makes me think of War Games. Would you like to play a game?

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